Pokemon Mega Evolutions, the second wave
by TheItchyCocoon
Summary: The haunting truth behind how the second generation of Mega evolutions were made. One shot.


"Slow close up on a rainy castle as Evil ominous music plays," Nintendo's evil headquartes: New Jersey.

Nintendo CEO: "Gentlemen! BEHOLD! Pokemon Omega Ruby, Alpha Sapphire! And Delta Emerald!" (Shows in two games, Emerald falls and breaks into pieces)

Nintendo CEO:...BEHOLD! Alpha Sapphire, and Omega Ruby!

New assistant: "I can happily say these two games have gotten a ton of hype, people have been expecting these games for years since the release of Heartgold and Soulsilver."

Nintendo CEO: "Indeed! And they're hype shall be well met! For we have included what made these games great in the first place! And we have also added Mega Evolutions!"

(Slow clap from Nintendos board of directors.) Sane consumer: "Alright...They brought me in here to see if you idiots had gotten any better with your evolutions, so lets have it..."

CEO: "I give you, Mega Beedrill!"

Sane: "Thats...Thats actually bad ass! Beedrill is the best bug type pokemon!" (A scyther saddles up to one of the directors, teary eyed.) Director: "Hey! Watch what you say around Bug boy!" Scyther sobs and jumps out the window, and falls up into the air.

Sane:"...Moving on, what else do you got?" Ceo: I'm glad you asked! Up next is mega Pidgeot!

Sane: "Thats...Ok, I guess. Did he really need a mega evolution?" Ceo: How dare you! Of course he did! His colors make him powerful!"

(Moves onto Mega Slowbro) Sane: "Oh my god! What did you do to that poor Slowbro!?"

CEO: "We made him Mega! Is that not obvious?!" Sane: "You've made the Shellder his body!"

Assistant: "Actually that's untrue, the Shellder is merely laying it's eggs onto the Slowbro, and staying there so it may keep them warm."

Sane: "And when they hatch?" Assitant: "They will devour The Slowbro and their parent from the inside out." Sane: "AW F +$&amp;IN HELL!" Ceo: " I believe he likes it!"

Assistant: "Next in line we have Mega Swampert, and Mega Sceptile." Sane: Those are alright, Swampert looks like hes had some animal testing done to him."

(Nintendo Director whips out a phone) George! They're onto us! Stop giving the Mudkips steroids

!

Sane: "...Right...Sceptile looks like an overgrown christmas tree.

CEO: "Next we have the amazing, Mega Sableye!" Sane: "I forgot that thing even existed."

CEO: "Next we have our two villainous teams mascot Pokemon! Mega Camerput. And Sharpedo!

Sane: "Alright, this is where I draw the damned line. You had so many oppurtunites to upgrade Sharpedo, give him a tail, more teeth, a larger fin, and you went with stripes?! Whose the idiot retard that makes this crap!?" (Uwe Boll winks at the camera).

Ceo: I see you're not impressed by the water creature! But what of Camerupt?" Sane: Eh, he looks fine." CEO: "Victory!"

Assitant: "Presenting our dragon line up, Mega Altaria, Salamence, and Latios, and Latias."

Sane: "I have three problems with thse pokemon, 1: What'd you do for Altaria, throw it into a cloud and took whatever you could get? 2: How the hell does Salamence fly? That isn't aerodynamic! Amd 3, Why do the Eon pokemon look the damn same!

CEO: Because of Raisins!...Raisins is the head artist!"

(Ceo reveals Metagross) Sane "Groan, why, of all things, did you give that a mega evolution?" Assistant: "It was listed as a popular pokemon in several polls." Sane: "And who even took the polls?"

CEO: "Only ne person, A man by the name of, S. Stone."

(Steven in his fathers basement.) "Gehhehehahegh! Soon my lovley, you will be even more beautiful! Like a rock! GAHGAHGH!" (Metagross shakes in a corner.)

Assistant: "Next up is Mega Gallade, Mega Audino, and Mega Lopunny."

Sane: "Why did you give a mega evolution to the discount Chansey of Unova?"

CEO: "They wont expect it! BRILLIANT!"

Sane: Gallade is ok, looks kind of stupid with the cape dress thing...And Lopunny..."Assistant: "Is something wrong?" Sane: Why does she looke evn more like a playboy bunny?" CEO: Every game must have sex appeal!" Sane: THIS IS A KIDS GAME!" CEO: And no one will expect it! BRILLIANT!"

Assitant: We have two more that we will be giving out as special early unlocks in our demo, behold Mega Steelix and Mega Glalie." Sane: Heeeey now, I like these, Steelix especially. It's about time the iron giant got some attention. So, how do you get both of these in the demo?"

Assitant: "Japan will be exclusively getting Steelix and everywhere else that isn't Japan will be getting Glalie.

Sane: "But, but that's stupid!" CEO: "You didnt expect it! BRILLIANT!"

Assistant: "Lets move onto the legendaries, Primal Groudon, and Kyogre, and Mega Rayquaza, and Diancie.

Sane: Primal? Whats the difference between that and Mega?" Assistant: Primal allows the two pokemon to change into a stronger form, intensifying their abilities." Sane: "Oh, so it makes fire moves or water moves even more powerful?"

CEO: "No! It negates waer damage, and ice in Groudons case, and weakens water in Kyogres case!

Sane: "...'Sigh', Go on..."

Assistant: "Mega Rayquaza will only be obtainable by doing the post quest, where you must take on the second in command of Magma/Aqua whom are hell bent on destroying the world"

Sane: "Seems kinda harsh for halting some land and water development." Assistant: "You also must stop a comet from hitting the earth, however this heroic girl named Zinnia gets in your way, by stealing mega evolution stnes, and even destroying the controller for a trans dimensional gun to send the meteor away."

Sane:"...How is any of this a good story?"

Assistant: "Ahem. You the scale Sky pilliar, and watch as Zinnia summons Rayquaza, and she cant control, him like she blindly thought! So you must capture it!" Sane: "This story is worse than X and Y's!"

CEO: "Then you blow up the meteor! Blam! Blablasploom!" (waves arms wildly.)

Assitant: "However in the meteor, Deoxys appears, and you have to either defeat or capture it."

Sane: "Finally, you did something right, Deoxys is one of the few pokemon I haven't caught."

Assistant: "After that, you get permission to go to the battle maison."

Sane: Batte maison? Whats that?...Wait, you mean that crappy shack from X and Y? What happened to the battle frontier?"

CEO: We had to sacrifice it so we could have secret spots! Sports wher eyou can find out of region Pokemon! And the Batle Frontier will never show up!"

(BREAKING NEWS, NINTENDO BURNED DOWN BY ENRAGED CONSUMER RIDING HO-OH AND SCREAMING OBSCENITIES.)

Alright, if you got through this, look for the references, Invader Zim, Aqua teen hunger force, etc.


End file.
